Saturday, September 20, 2008


It had to be the result of all three events, converging upon me within a 24 hour time frame.

Event #1. I had occasion to meet a fellow homeschooling mom, whom I had one of those immediate, God-kind of connections with. Our conversation was way too brief, and only managed to highlight the like mindedness on several different fronts. I walked away feeling as though I'd had balm placed upon my soul, and a hunger to return to the conversation as soon as possible.

Event #2. I called my soon-to-arrive-by-jet-plane friend, and, in my craziest, zaniest manner ever, poked fun at her panic-ridden last minute preparatory state. To this she replied, "I haven't heard you kid around like that in a long time!" I responded: "See what you drag outta me?!" Laughing, we knew it was true. Watch out world. We're getting together again. Where's the boom mike? The latest and greatest reality show, comin' right up!

Event #3. It was late, and I was tired when I found it. An edifying note from an online friend that brought hot tears to my eyes. And why? I mused? She didn't know it, doesn't know, couldn't possibly have known it . . .but she spoke my love language, and it permeated my heart.

I trust you'll be able to see how all three of these separate yet intertwined events brought me to the stark reality, the culmination of understanding in my mind:

My time in California has been marked by loneliness.

Oh, I've had plenty of interaction with others. My children and I are blessed to be growing in relationship with one another. I've met lots of people, even shared a meal, fellowship, and good things with them. I've talked to complete strangers for lengths of time. I've become a familiar face at a few hangouts . . .

Yet I am alone. Lonely in a way that surprises me.

I believe I have plumbed a new depth in understanding of the loneliness that Jesus experienced. Could it be, that because He understood the plan of the Father, understood matters from a spiritual perspective that *that* was the loneliness He lived? The fact that others around Him were operating on the plane of life called the mundane? The routine? The natural? The same old same old?

I'm not calling my self super-spiritual. What I'm attempting to convey is that, in the majority (not all, just the higher percentage of) my dealing s with others here, I find a lack of awareness or even, in some cases, acknowledgement of spiritual things. The realm in which most I've connected with remains the realm of the here and now. The seen.


Perhaps this is a great gift from the Lord, this fellowship with His sufferings I am experiencing?


Dawn Sodini said...

You always refresh me with your thoughts. Thanks for encouraging me.

Annette said...

Awesome reflection. I can't imagine how you must feel. It is one thing to do these kinds of adventures when it's just "you". I did do the LA thing for several years in my mid 20s. But to step through each day with two teens and a baby (apart from your loving DH) would be a whole different experience. You have blessed me through your reflection. Thank you.

Annette in MN

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