Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Joy's Blog

I was taken aback by my unknowing response to her most recent post. I stared for what seemed to be an eternity into the happy smiling faces of those gorgeous children ~ faces I'd seen several times before, as I've browsed her blog.

Simply Beautiful.

but tonight, a gripping, a tug at my heart that I could not quite identify. The entirety of my being focused in on her words: In a Million Ways . . .

I quickly turned my attention away, to other things, but it was too late. I could feel the hot flash of tears in my eyes, and a moment of confusion that sought to consume me. "Why on earth am I crying?" I thought.

Without a moment's hesitation, a song began playing in my head. Or was it my heart?

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don’t see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind with promises I still seem to bear even when answers slowly unwind it’s my heart I see You prepare but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain from every finger tip, washing away my pain
~Jeremy Camp

finally, I knew.

Memories flooded my mind, and I held on to my tears, taking a deep breath to steady myself.

Ah. Indeed. My very own Million Ways They Hold The Keys To My Heart . . .

My sweet loves. Here for a short, sweet moment on the Big Screen of our lives, only to vanish with the closing of the curtain before opening night.

How I long to have held you in my arms, heard your cries, and soothed your feigned concern.

But alas, your life was extinguished, and my arms remain empty, void of your giving, sharing presence.

And yet I love.

A million ways.


Angie said...

sniff sniff sniff sniff

joy madison said...

:( I'm so sorry angi....just remember, he holds you in his arms, when you have no other place to go.

I didn't see your comment for a few days, b/c it got put in my "awaiting moderation" folder. Thanks for sharing this with us!

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